So I'm not in a good place ......
I'm not incredibly sad but I'm not happy either.
I describe my days as good and bad.
I've been needing the anxiety meds a bit more and I don't care. There is nothing wrong with helping my brain shut the f*ck up and it doesn't always do as it's told. No matter how many rocks in my pockets. How much I meditate. How much I try think positively. How I hear him in my head and notice the signs. Right now I'm just f*cking exhausted mentally with trying to stop the noise. The dumbass thoughts. The sadness that tries to settle in for the day. The thinking to myself even some times....jeez get over it - it was only 3 mths. The constant battle my thoughts are having and messing with my head and my heart.
Right now all I feel ... It's just not fucking fair. We would have made a fantastic family ... The 7 of us. So much fun. The kind of blended family everyone should be. Fuck fuckity fuck. I'd say sorry for the fucks but at the moment, I'm not. I'm just not .....
xo
barney
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