This rollercoaster ride fucking sucks. Today is absolutely a Dan day. A shitty, I could crawl back into bed and not get out day. And I have no idea why.
I just want to put on his shirt, pull up the covers and sleep the day away, in hopes that when I wake up again, I don't feel like my whole soul is aching, like it does at the moment. It's not anxiety. It's pure sadness. Plain sad. Aching. The feeling that nothing will take it away. No anxiety meds. No numbing with alcohol. No magic pill. Just him. That's what would take it away.....him. And no amount of talking to him out loud, in my head, in my journal is taking it away. It's actually making it worse because it makes it feel even more real.
It's not a lonely feeling either. It's just a deep, so deep missing him. His voice. His smile. The sparkle in his eyes when he was happy and/or being goofy. The " hey" when he saw you. Just him.
Fuck. That's it. Fuck.
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