A day of ying and yang. Yup, that's what it is.
Today is my gorgeous first born daughter's 21st birthday. I can remember every detail of that day. Waking up just after 7am realizing that I was having contractions. Excitement. Fear. Holy shit this is happening went through me. By the end of the day I would meet my baby. I would be a mother. lol, I would have my belly back and no more heartburn.
She was the catalyst for me to change my life. I was 25. No direction. Had been living in Calgary but missing home so much. I wasn't ready to be a parent. Especially a single one. All I knew was I loved her more than I ever imagined loving someone. We became a little family of two and as many times as I screwed up, I made up for it many times over in doing the best for us.
She has grown into this amazing young women. So intelligent. Sensitive. Incredibly insightful. Funny AF. Goofy. Silly. Kind. Respectful. Responsible. I would like to take most of the credit for all of this but seriously she has done this on her own. She's always marched to her own drum. She inspires me all the time. We truly are " friends" I would consider her one of my best. Even though I'm the parent, when I needed her, to just be there, she has been. She held my hand the entire time during his service. She was my rock and I so badly needed that. I am forever grateful that this miraculous human chose me to be her mom. I love her more than words can describe and I always will, forever.
Now for the shit .....today is 2 mths since his accident. Yes I'm celebrating one of the best days of my life while still mourning one of the worst. I'm trying to focus on the best. Her. The miracle she is for me. But I did have to take 2 meds this morning. I may need them all day. So yeah, fuck. Ying and yang. If only life offered the happiness....how sweet that would be.
So yay for my beautiful child - I love you xo
So fuck for missing you - I love you xo
xo
barney
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