hold on.....

" There’s going to be days when you just don’t want to be here anymore. You just stay. You f***ing stay. Somewhere out there, somebody needs your voice. I promise. I swear to God, your laughter is someone’s saving grace. Hold on tight, baby. The sun is coming for you.” ~ Erin Van


I can admit there were far too many days than I like to admit that I've wanted to give up in my life. When my mom died, my divorce and Dan. Far too many. However I always knew, felt, that there was more. That I couldn't give in to that. That I was here for a reason.

I've had this proven even more lately. I've had friends privately message me to tell me to please keep talking. Please keep expressing my feelings. That without knowing it I have inspired them. I have helped them. Helped them stay positive. Helped them look at their own life and relationships differently. To strive to make their relationships better. More loving. More open. And shown them how to be strong even when you are weak. That vulnerability is a super hero strength. Not something to be afraid of.

I want my children to see that, yes, life can be incredibly shitty and so fucking painful however, that they have it in them to survive it. To not only survive, but thrive. Thrive despite what happens to them. That the world needs them. Needs their wisdom. Their voice. Their exuberance. Their joy.

This week I realized that I'm still the same woman I was 3mths ago. Strong. Calm. Happy. Just right now she is inside a grief bubble but she's slowly working her way out. I guess you could say like a baby chick when it starts to hatch. It slowly breaks a piece of the shell. It's not instant. It takes time. It starts usually with one tiny little foot. Breaking free but still not quite ready to shatter the whole outer shell. My grief bubble is my shell...I still need it. I feel safe in it however I am realizing how much it's starting to affect my life and hinder my growth. Hinder my happiness and joy. But inside that bubble is a woman who has never given up. Who's been through hell and back a few times now and it hasn't broken her yet. It's actually made her who she is ....a strong independent vulnerable loving insightful inspiring super effin hero. Who has a voice. Who isn't afraid to shine even if her light scares people away. She'll still shine so that maybe they can see themselves away from their darkness and shadows. That they have the same light and it not only rocks to shine it, it's what world needs you to do.

So hold on, my loves. You're here for a reason. You are needed. You have a voice. You are beautiful and the world would be a much different place without you in it. Always, always remember that .....especially in your darkest fucking days.

xo
barney